About 3 years ago (2009), I lost my only one true friend, my BEST friend, the only person who understood me and wouldn’t judge me. He committed suicide . All the kids at school would make fun of him, he was a little feminine and he was bisexual. But so what? Everyday at school kids would tease him, push him around , ect. but he wouldn’t show no emotion to them. He kept a smile and walked away. But whenever he came home, he would come sit on my porch with me and my mom and tell us about the horrible things those kids do to him at school, (he was in middle school i was still in elementry) i remember all the times he would sit there and cry and cry and cry, and i would cry too. I would watch him , see how sad he really was. It made me sad. And when he came home his step dad would constantly hit him , call him names and humiliate him infront of all the kids in our neighborhood and those kids would just sit there and laugh. I developed so much hate for those kids. I just wanted to kill them all, kill all those people who hurt him. Especially his step dad. I wanted to make him feel the pain De’Sean felt. All those countless times i would sit back and feel so helpless.. so helpless for not being able to help him, but i did the best i could. He would run somewhere back into the little woods and i would find him, and i would sit there and hold him and tell him it was okay and tell him that i loved him. I wanted him to be happy, i wanted to do everything to make him happy. to give him a better life, to make all that pain go away. But i couldnt.. I still see those kids bullying him. i still remember me yelling and fighting those kids and protecting him. I didn’t care if i got in trouble i wanted to protect him. I hate the school district for not stepping up when we told them what was going on, i hate his mom for not showing she cared. I hate that i couldn’t save him.. And that day when he told me he was going to kill himself. I felt lost, i that i was going to lose him, i knew it. But i remember when i told him to PROMISE  me that he wasn’t going to do it… he promised me but he broke his promise and he left me here with this aching heart and nobody to turn to when i need him. But i still feel like it was my fault. it was my fault i didn’t open my mouth to anybody when he told me he was going to kill himself. I can’t be mad at him for doing that to himself because i know how much pain he was in. I know. Because now i’m sitting here feeling all the pain he went through. I feel it all , and it’s not fair that those people made him feel that way. it’s not fair that i lost my bestfriend. But i still blame myself for what happened to him. And if i could tell him one last thing , i would tell him i love him and that i wish he would come back. I wish R.I.P meant ‘return if possible’ . And if you’re reading this you might feel the same way too. So please , if somebody tells you they’re going to commit suicide, TELL SOMEBODY. But De’Sean, i love you and i miss you and i would give up everything to spend one last day with you. - Kayla 

(Source: kaylanovak)

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